I remember when each of my children
were born, praying and thanking the Lord for them, and giving them to
Him. I told him that I understood He had entrusted them to me for a
season, to raise. I asked Him to help me to raise each one for Him.
I knew they were not "mine".
Little did I know when I dedicated the oldest 4 to the Lord, as they came into our family, that I wouldn't be able to "finish" raising them – that our home would be split by sin and evil, and that their father would fight to have primary custody of them.
I also did not know that this week, many years later, I'd be staring down the throat of the 3rd custody trial, with my last two children being on the line. This time what my ex-husband is asking for is that none of the kids even come to visit me. He is requesting supervised visitaiton only.
After having lost custody of some already, there is no false confidence left that everything will just "be okay". Things are already NOT okay!
When parents go into family court, as my lawyer explained to me, they are signing away decision-making power to another person. This person does not know the individuals or children involved. They simply hear evidence and have to make a decision. Then we have to follow that decision.
Things are heartbreaking, as they stand now. They could stay as they are, or I could loose not only my last two children living at home with me, but also could loose the chance to spend time as a family with my children in my home.
I knew they were not "mine".
Little did I know when I dedicated the oldest 4 to the Lord, as they came into our family, that I wouldn't be able to "finish" raising them – that our home would be split by sin and evil, and that their father would fight to have primary custody of them.
I also did not know that this week, many years later, I'd be staring down the throat of the 3rd custody trial, with my last two children being on the line. This time what my ex-husband is asking for is that none of the kids even come to visit me. He is requesting supervised visitaiton only.
After having lost custody of some already, there is no false confidence left that everything will just "be okay". Things are already NOT okay!
When parents go into family court, as my lawyer explained to me, they are signing away decision-making power to another person. This person does not know the individuals or children involved. They simply hear evidence and have to make a decision. Then we have to follow that decision.
Things are heartbreaking, as they stand now. They could stay as they are, or I could loose not only my last two children living at home with me, but also could loose the chance to spend time as a family with my children in my home.
Today, as we had communion at church, I
was asking the Lord if there was anything in my heart that needed to
go. He reminded me that I had given my children, already, to Him, at
the time they were each born.
Ouch.
I have tried to trust Him, even in the dark when I don't understand what He is doing. I have thought I have done pretty well, trusting Him.
But I certainly am "holding on" to my last two little girls. I want to keep them, in my home. I want to keep raising them for Jesus! I want to get to take them to their appointments, to be there to take care of them when they're sick, to take them to all of their practices, to watch all of their games and performances... I want to take them to their first jobs. I want to teach them to drive. I want to be there when their braces come off! I want to search for colleges. I want to drop them off for that first time! I want to see their dorm – I want to be called when they're struggling, or lonely, or upset, or confused. I want to be able to pray with them, and point hem back to God through each of their own life's struggles. I want to be there for these struggles. I want to love them to pieces.
But the Lord is saying, "Trust Me."
Whether I keep them or loose them. Just "Trust Me." He is reminding me that I already gave them to Him!
God is sovereign, even over the things that happen here on this earth. Even over wicked things. He sees all. His hand is not short. He can do whatever He will, whenever He wants to! He can "save" my girls, and keep them with me. But He could also shorten my time with them and take them now.
When Job lost all, he said, "The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." I need to be able to say that too. I need to be able to trust God with my children. I need to be okay with God, whatever He decides to do.
Prayer requests for the upcoming custody hearing on Thursday, December 12th:
- Pray for Dan and I to trust our God!
- Pray for the girls to be able to see truth. (Specifically that they would not only think, "Where could I have more fun?" but also "Where will we best be able to love and serve the Lord".)
I have tried to trust Him, even in the dark when I don't understand what He is doing. I have thought I have done pretty well, trusting Him.
But I certainly am "holding on" to my last two little girls. I want to keep them, in my home. I want to keep raising them for Jesus! I want to get to take them to their appointments, to be there to take care of them when they're sick, to take them to all of their practices, to watch all of their games and performances... I want to take them to their first jobs. I want to teach them to drive. I want to be there when their braces come off! I want to search for colleges. I want to drop them off for that first time! I want to see their dorm – I want to be called when they're struggling, or lonely, or upset, or confused. I want to be able to pray with them, and point hem back to God through each of their own life's struggles. I want to be there for these struggles. I want to love them to pieces.
But the Lord is saying, "Trust Me."
Whether I keep them or loose them. Just "Trust Me." He is reminding me that I already gave them to Him!
God is sovereign, even over the things that happen here on this earth. Even over wicked things. He sees all. His hand is not short. He can do whatever He will, whenever He wants to! He can "save" my girls, and keep them with me. But He could also shorten my time with them and take them now.
When Job lost all, he said, "The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." I need to be able to say that too. I need to be able to trust God with my children. I need to be okay with God, whatever He decides to do.
Prayer requests for the upcoming custody hearing on Thursday, December 12th:
- Pray for Dan and I to trust our God!
- Pray for the girls to be able to see truth. (Specifically that they would not only think, "Where could I have more fun?" but also "Where will we best be able to love and serve the Lord".)
- Pray for Emily to stand firm in her
faith. (Pray for Rebecca to profess faith.)
- Pray for our lawyer to be able to defend us well, and to make sense of whatever way the case turns when we are actually in court.
- Pray for our lawyer to be able to defend us well, and to make sense of whatever way the case turns when we are actually in court.
- Pray for the judge to make a right
judgement.
- Pray for God to defend us, and for truth to be known.
In the 10 years that my ex-husband has been working to turn the hearts of the kids from the Lord, he has tried every conceivable way to try to gain their hearts and get custody, from attacking their education, to crying abuse, to being involved with a secret meeting with the school district superintendent, to telling the kids' doctors I neglect them, and now to saying my illness (which lasted 5 years and 4 months) is fake and I am emotionally and mentally unstable. There were also 5 children and youth calls over an 18-month period, all unfounded.
Please pray for us. It has been a battle to say the least. I praise God for His Spirit, helping us, leading us, and directing our steps. And I praise God for his Word, making clear what is right versus wrong, and reminding us which way is up!
"Giving no offense in any thing, that the ministry be not blamed: But in all things approving ourselves as the ministers of God, in much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses, In stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fastings; By pureness, by knowledge, by long suffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned, By the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armour of righteousness on the right hand and on the left, By honour and dishonour, by evil report and good report: as deceivers, and yet true; As unknown, and yet well known; as dying, end, behold, we live; as chastened, and not killed; As sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things." (II Cor. 6:3-10)
This reminds me that it is okay for life to feel hard, and that we are in good company. How encouraging!
"And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved." (Mat. 10:22) (Lord, help us endure!)
- Pray for God to defend us, and for truth to be known.
In the 10 years that my ex-husband has been working to turn the hearts of the kids from the Lord, he has tried every conceivable way to try to gain their hearts and get custody, from attacking their education, to crying abuse, to being involved with a secret meeting with the school district superintendent, to telling the kids' doctors I neglect them, and now to saying my illness (which lasted 5 years and 4 months) is fake and I am emotionally and mentally unstable. There were also 5 children and youth calls over an 18-month period, all unfounded.
Please pray for us. It has been a battle to say the least. I praise God for His Spirit, helping us, leading us, and directing our steps. And I praise God for his Word, making clear what is right versus wrong, and reminding us which way is up!
"Giving no offense in any thing, that the ministry be not blamed: But in all things approving ourselves as the ministers of God, in much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses, In stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fastings; By pureness, by knowledge, by long suffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned, By the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armour of righteousness on the right hand and on the left, By honour and dishonour, by evil report and good report: as deceivers, and yet true; As unknown, and yet well known; as dying, end, behold, we live; as chastened, and not killed; As sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things." (II Cor. 6:3-10)
This reminds me that it is okay for life to feel hard, and that we are in good company. How encouraging!
"And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved." (Mat. 10:22) (Lord, help us endure!)
"[H]e that loveth son or daughter
more than me is not worthy of me." (Mat. 10:37b)
"And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life." (Mat. 19:29) WHOA. We don't talk much about "the cost", but sometimes it is heavy. Sometimes those we love forsake us because we love Him, and it HURTS, but it is okay.
"For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal." (II Corinthians 4:16-18)
Come, look to Jesus with us, friends. He loves our children more than we can. He hurts more than we do if they reject Him. He hurts for our tears. But He is greater.
Pray for us this week. Pray for our kids. Pray for God to be glorified, in WHATEVER WAY He chooses to write this story. (The good news is: HE WILL BE!!!)
"And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life." (Mat. 19:29) WHOA. We don't talk much about "the cost", but sometimes it is heavy. Sometimes those we love forsake us because we love Him, and it HURTS, but it is okay.
"For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal." (II Corinthians 4:16-18)
Come, look to Jesus with us, friends. He loves our children more than we can. He hurts more than we do if they reject Him. He hurts for our tears. But He is greater.
Pray for us this week. Pray for our kids. Pray for God to be glorified, in WHATEVER WAY He chooses to write this story. (The good news is: HE WILL BE!!!)
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