Court

As I was leaving home the morning of December 12th, my eyes were drawn to all of the things around me that screamed, "Emily and Rebecca." Their paints had been left out on the table from the projects they were in the middle of working on. I saw a pair of Rebecca's unmatched, not-so-dirty socks which are forever being thrown on the floor because she really doesn't like things on her feet. The four gallons of milk in the refrigerator would be too much for a three-person family, if the girls weren't going to be coming home with us. And I would have to face all of these things later that day, depending on what a man in office decided about our family.

It was 5:45 am when we dragged our sleepy girls out to the car with us, and left. We made the 1 hour and 45 minute drive without any problems.

I was listening to the radio as I drove. I was driving to keep my mind busy, and I was listening because driving alone wasn't enough. I had to keep it busy to not think. But at one point, as the words, "It's the most wonderful time of the year!" finished playing, a woman on this Christian radio station got on and cheerfully said, "If you don't believe it is the most wonderful time of the year, just keep saying those words over and over again until you DO believe it, because I PROMISE, it is true!"

Ha! WHAT is people's PROBLEM!

No, I'm not a cynic. I'm actually an optimist! But to promise (PROMISE!) people that it is "the most wonderful time of the year" is just foolish. For all we know, someone has lost a parent or child at this time of the year, and just seeing the name of the month on the top of the calendar brings painful memories! Or maybe someone... like me... is on their way to court not knowing if they are going to be able to bring their two precious children home with them. It is foolish to promise people that it is the most wonderful time of the year. This woman was forgetting that what she means to say is that JESUS is the MOST WONDERFUL gift that there ever has been or ever will be. Not that the month of December will just be beautiful for all people, everywhere! Ha!



We stopped at McDonald's for breakfast, then proceeded to the courthouse.

Apparently this was a pretty big deal. The petition my ex-husband filed was an emergency petition, basically claiming that the kids were not safe with me. My lawyer said she had no fear that we were going to loose the girls, but the paperwork was filled with lies about me, and what goes on in our home. It was serious stuff. And a man we did not know was going to have to make a decision for our family - a decision that would have significant impact on our children's lives.

Before court, the Lord started reminding me of verses. Verses for THIS day:

"The Lord of hosts hath sworn, saying, Surely as I have thought, so shall it come to pass; and as I have purposed, so shall it stand: " (Isaiah 14:24) He reminded me that He was surely in control, even there, even for a court hearing that appears to be in another man's hands.

"But I trusted in thee, O LORD: I said, Thou art my God." (Psalm 31:14) Whatever may happen, He  my God, and I was going to trust in Him.

"My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved." (Psalm 62:5-6)

"In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me. Thy vows are upon me, O God: I will render praises unto thee. For thou hast delivered my soul from death: wilt not thou deliver my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?" (Psalm 56:11‭-‬13)



There were a few emergency petitions the judge was going to hear that day. He went through the others before us, one after the other, very quickly. Meanwhile, my lawyer was talking to the other lawyers present. (My ex-husband's, and also the guardian.) The guardian talked to the kids. We waited in the courtroom, just waiting to see what was going on, and what would happen.

Then it was suddenly our turn, and I was called up with my lawyer. My ex-husband was there, his lawyer, and the children's guardian.

First the judge asked the guardian to speak, and he told the judge that this was no an emergency case, that the father was just trying to get custody of the kids today without going through the proper means. He said there was no evidence of abuse here, or of mental illness on my part, as mentioned in the paperwork. He said that if there is going to be a psychological evaluation (as requested in the paperwork), that the father should have to pay for it, since there is nothing indicating one is needed. He also said that the girls had told him they wanted to continue living with their mother when he talked to them that morning.

The judge next asked my ex-husband's lawyer if he agreed with the guardian's assessment. His lawyer said no, there is still a lot of concern over me and the threat I pose to my kids. (!) They still felt the psychological evaluation was very necessary.

The judge then asked my lawyer if I would consent to a psychological evaluation, and my lawyer asked me. I was confused, because she had said, before court, that it was an invasion of my privacy, so I didn't know how to answer and I just shrugged my shoulders. She told the judge I would, if my ex-husband paid for it. The judge asked if I would want him to have one. I said that I could not pay for it. Then my ex-husband's lawyer asked if he should write up paperwork to this effect. The judge said yes.

And that was it. The judge had dismissed the case.

The whole thing was over. The girls were still safe with me. Their lives had not been turned upside down.

And we went home.

I was SO HAPPY to walk in the house and see their things! I didn't have to try to put them away. I don't have to start jumping through hoops just to be able to see them again. I still had them.

We took the rest of the day off, aside for the audition Rebecca was blessed to be able to make it to. That afternoon and evening we played games, watched tv, ate cookies, and pretty much just laid around and enjoyed each other, soaking up the idea that our family would continue.

Then we resumed life! We were able to set up the Christmas tree! We were able to begin Christmas shopping! We could enjoy the goat babies without the knowledge that the girls might not be able to see them again!

The girls are actually safe, still home with us. Their relationship with their dad is still safe, because I work hard to encourage and preserve it. Their relationship with me is still safe, because they still have access to me. (Thank You, Lord!!!)

At this point we're just waiting to see what my ex-husband does next. He can either pay to have the psychological evaluation done, or he can sue through the normal means to try and gain custody of Emily and Rebecca. Of course, then there would be days of witnesses and testimony and evidence, before a judge makes that decision.

While we wait, we are thanking God for these new months with our girls.

Please keep praying for us.

"They are Yours, Lord"

I remember when each of my children were born, praying and thanking the Lord for them, and giving them to Him. I told him that I understood He had entrusted them to me for a season, to raise. I asked Him to help me to raise each one for Him.

I knew they were not "mine".

Little did I know when I dedicated the oldest 4 to the Lord, as they came into our family, that I wouldn't be able to "finish" raising them – that our home would be split by sin and evil, and that their father would fight to have primary custody of them.

I also did not know that this week, many years later, I'd be staring down the throat of the 3^rd custody trial, with my last two children being on the line. This time what my ex-husband is asking for is that none of the kids even come to visit me. He is requesting supervised visitaiton only.

After having lost custody of some already, there is no false confidence left that everything will just "be okay". Things are already NOT okay!

When parents go into family court, as my lawyer explained to me, they are signing away decision-making power to another person. This person does not know the individuals or children involved. They simply hear evidence and have to make a decision. Then we have to follow that decision.

Things are heartbreaking, as they stand now. They could stay as they are, or I could loose not only my last two children living at home with me, but also could loose the chance to spend time as a family with my children in my home.

Today, as we had communion at church, I was asking the Lord if there was anything in my heart that needed to go. He reminded me that I had given my children, already, to Him, at the time they were each born.

Ouch.

I have tried to trust Him, even in the dark when I don't understand what He is doing. I have thought I have done pretty well, trusting Him.

But I certainly am "holding on" to my last two little girls. I want to keep them, in my home. I want to keep raising them for Jesus! I want to get to take them to their appointments, to be there to take care of them when they're sick, to take them to all of their practices, to watch all of their games and performances... I want to take them to their first jobs. I want to teach them to drive. I want to be there when their braces come off! I want to search for colleges. I want to drop them off for that first time! I want to see their dorm – I want to be called when they're struggling, or lonely, or upset, or confused. I want to be able to pray with them, and point hem back to God through each of their own life's struggles. I want to be there for these struggles. I want to love them to pieces.

But the Lord is saying, "Trust Me."

Whether I keep them or loose them. Just "Trust Me." He is reminding me that I already gave them to Him!

God is sovereign, even over the things that happen here on this earth. Even over wicked things. He sees all. His hand is not short. He can do whatever He will, whenever He wants to! He can "save" my girls, and keep them with me. But He could also shorten my time with them and take them now.

When Job lost all, he said, "The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." I need to be able to say that too. I need to be able to trust God with my children. I need to be okay with God, whatever He decides to do.

Prayer requests for the upcoming custody hearing on Thursday, December 12^th:

- Pray for Dan and I to trust our God!
- Pray for the girls to be able to see truth. (Specifically that they would not only think, "Where could I have more fun?" but also "Where will we best be able to love and serve the Lord".)

- Pray for Emily to stand firm in her faith. (Pray for Rebecca to profess faith.)
- Pray for our lawyer to be able to defend us well, and to make sense of whatever way the case turns when we are actually in court.

- Pray for the judge to make a right judgement.
- Pray for God to defend us, and for truth to be known.

In the 10 years that my ex-husband has been working to turn the hearts of the kids from the Lord, he has tried every conceivable way to try to gain their hearts and get custody, from attacking their education, to crying abuse, to being involved with a secret meeting with the school district superintendent, to telling the kids' doctors I neglect them, and now to saying my illness (which lasted 5 years and 4 months) is fake and I am emotionally and mentally unstable. There were also 5 children and youth calls over an 18-month period, all unfounded.

Please pray for us. It has been a battle to say the least. I praise God for His Spirit, helping us, leading us, and directing our steps. And I praise God for his Word, making clear what is right versus wrong, and reminding us which way is up!

"Giving no offense in any thing, that the ministry be not blamed: But in all things approving ourselves as the ministers of God, in much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses, In stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fastings; By pureness, by knowledge, by long suffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned, By the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armour of righteousness on the right hand and on the left, By honour and dishonour, by evil report and good report: as deceivers, and yet true; As unknown, and yet well known; as dying, end, behold, we live; as chastened, and not killed; As sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things." (II Cor. 6:3-10)

This reminds me that it is okay for life to feel hard, and that we are in good company. How encouraging!

"And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved." (Mat. 10:22) (Lord, help us endure!)

"[H]e that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." (Mat. 10:37b)

"And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life." (Mat. 19:29) WHOA. We don't talk much about "the cost", but sometimes it is heavy. Sometimes those we love forsake us because we love Him, and it HURTS, but it is okay.

"For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal." (II Corinthians 4:16-18)

Come, look to Jesus with us, friends. He loves our children more than we can. He hurts more than we do if they reject Him. He hurts for our tears. But He is greater.

Pray for us this week. Pray for our kids. Pray for God to be glorified, in WHATEVER WAY He chooses to write this story. (The good news is: HE WILL BE!!!)