Giving Thanks

Last someone from my church stood up and thanked God for making him well again. We had our annual church picnic last Saturday, and he was noting the difference between the last church picnic and this year's picnic. He wanted to give God praise for the change.

I had a very different experience. Last year I was very sick at the picnic, and this year I was also very sick. This year, as I was sitting there watching people run around, I was thinking about how I never expected to still be this sick a year later! For 2 picnics in a row, I have been severely affected by this illness.

I am glad this person expressed his thanks to God for making him well again.

I wanted to add my voice, in thanks to God, even though I am still sick.

Hebrews 13:8 says, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." (!) What God has done in sending Jesus and making a way of salvation, and of redeeming our lives from destruction is enough to be thankful for - for eternity.

I want to share another verse that has been big in my life. Romans 8:18 says, "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

Though I am still so sick I can hardly function much of the time, what God has done for undeserving sinners is so much greater that whether we are under a smiling or frowing Providence - We can all thank Him and praise Him for the wonderful things he has done!

I am taking this opportunity to say with the Psalmist, "I will sing unto the Lord, because He hath dealt bountifully with me"! (Psalm 13:6)

Though my body is very sick, God's blessings in Christ Jesus are far better.

"The Other Side"

I think I have come out on the other side of the worst sickness I have ever had. I say "I think" because with Lyme Disease, it is not a "sure" thing. But I finally made it out of a months-long herxheimer reaction, complete with bronchitis and pneumonia at the end. I had to lay down for most of 8 straight weeks until I got to coughing so much and having so much trouble breathing that it was all off the top of the tolerance chart, and I no longer had ANY idea how I was doing, except that I needed to stay alive.

I was not in a very dangerous position, I just felt more horrible than horrible. Getting through each day was the main goal, only I found I felt just as bad the next day as I had the day before!

Finally, after a complete change of "detoxing" supplements/medicines, I started gradually feeling better. Praise God!

I was not supposed to be that sick. I was also not supposed to be that sick for so long. (4 weeks max was what the Dr. originally said! It was 9 weeks.)

I am slowly feeling more and more like "myself". This is a very strange thing, because it's almost like I'm "waking up" from being senseless for the past 2 1/2 months. (!) I'm looking around and thinking, "HEY! I remember this! I can THINK. I can SMILE. I can WATCH and ENJOY the kids and not feel like a miserable sick blob unable to participate in anything. I can sit up, stand up, and even do some light cleaning. I can drive again, even to neighboring towns! Yesterday I cooked again for the first time! (With lots of helpers, of course.) Today I went to church again for the first time. I can talk to people again, enjoy teaching again, take the kids to their Dr's appointments, stop at the store for quick runs (no long trips yet)... and the list goes on and on.

I feel like a kid let loose in a candy store.

For so many weeks, I was SO greatly limited, that it wasn't like any "living" I had ever known before.

There are lots of things I could say from here.

I am pretty sure I am in shock, mostly by how ill I was. My brain was GONE, I shook so much (so often) that it became hard to use my hands at times and I nearly felt like I was having seizures. (How does one function like that?) I was greatly limited in speech, because I couldn't think. Stringing words together was like a terrible chore. Making those words make sense to the people I was trying to talk to was even harder. I was so dizzy that my head would just keep reeling... I had to lay perfectly still, not even using my arms sometimes... even for long lengths of time. Getting out to the kitchen, or pretty much anywhere around my house was verging on impossible.

It's all like a big blur now. I don't think I can remember individual days, but I had to keep working, working, working on TOP of being that sick. (!) It was our busiest time of the year since it was Christmas, and we sell toys. Pure craziness. On any given day, for as long as I possibly could, you would find me laying on the couch with my laptop on my belly, cranking out the labels, answering e-mails, keeping up with stock, and trying to call and place orders with our manufacturers. (Try doing all of THAT with a brain that no longer works!) When I had to stop because my body would let me go no further whether the work was done or not, I'd rest, and get back to it later in the day.

I am writing now because I am on the OTHER SIDE of all of that, and I want to thank God for bringing me through it!

There are so many things I could say here, but words fail me.


Lamentations 3:21-24
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassioins fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
Of course, I would never have chosen to go through the past few months, if it were up to me. In the middle of it all, I was barely myself and I couldn't think clearly to "see". I couldn't think to really commune with the Lord as I would have wanted to... Like I mentioned, the whole thing was like a big blur, but the Lord held me, as I went through all of that.

I don't have an answer to all of the "why's", and I don't ask them. I know HE knows, and that is enough for me. My job is to trust Him.

And now that He has brought me through to the other side, I am just so thankful.

I am still pretty sick, and I still have some "lost" abilities... I still shake and am dizzy, but I know He will continue to hold me up as I push through the rest of this illness. It takes a long time to get better from Lyme disease, even with treatment, but it is the Lord I need, not "better doctors" or a different treatment plan, more knowledge, or more medicine. All of those things will fall into place, but it is Him I must have.

Thank You, Lord, for bringing me through those very hard weeks!