Quarter Century Musings - Divorce, Judgement, and the Church

Twenty-five years ago today I married the man I had decided to spend the rest of my life with on this earth. I can hardly believe a quarter of a century has passed since that day!

I see the joy in others' 25-year anniversary posts, and I am glad. I celebrate with them.

But there is no joy in this date for me, for mine was a ruined marriage.

In the Christian circles I am in, divorce is uncommon. It feels like something to be ashamed of, and that we certainly should not talk about.

I do not believe divorce is an potion in any marriage, except in two circumstances given in scripture:

1. Abandonment

2. Sexual sin

(Notice I said allowances, NOT commands!)

I feel compelled to write about this subject, on this day, because I have known the ostracization divorced Christians will face from the Church they belong to.

Now, I am not writing this to any specific people in my life, so if you know me, please don't think I'm talking about you! (On the same note: If you're feeling God convict you of anything, please DO listen to His Voice!) I have just seen so much pain, in so many people's lives. I have seen hurting people come, and leave the Church. I've watched them struggle. And since I've felt the struggle myself, on this day, I feel compelled to write.

The reason that I "know" this ostracization, or this type of judgement, is because I was the one feeling judgement toward others in this very position I, myself, am now in. I hate divorce. (I hate it even more now that I am divorced!) I have always hated divorce. And, at one point in my life, I knew I would NEVER be divorced.

When my first husband turned from the Lord, I asked God if I could be the one to lead him back. (I Corinthians 7:16) I determined to do all in my power, before God, to be the wife that won him "without a word" living in quiet obedience, with conduct that showed him Jesus at every turn. (I Peter 3:1-6) I wish I had a picture of the stack of books I read, and incorporated into my life in these efforts! (But they are now packed up in boxes.)

I believed that MOST of the time, one spouse could "save" the marriage. (This ended up being a spiritual pitfall to me, but that is a story for another day!)

The thing that I learned, is that sometimes they leave anyway. (After all, we do live in a sinful world!)

I'm writing this today to bring light to an area we tend to avoid talking about. I want to bring light to it, because there are hurting men and women who need the love of the Church, and they, too, are feeling like a dark blot in their church. And I want both them, and us, to know that they still have a place in the Church. If they are trusting Jesus, they still have a place in God's Family!

One quick note, before I dive in: Sometimes the feeling of not belonging, or or being avoided is not an issue of judgement, but rather it can just bee an uncomfortable subject, sort of like death is hard to talk about, so in those cases it's a matter of avoidance, not judgement. Other times, when it "feels" like judgement, it may actually be a feeling inside of the person hurting, a whisper from the enemy that they are not enough anymore. Sometimes the feelings of no longer belonging are just imagined. We're going to be dealing primarily with actual judgement here, because to deal with all of these things would take a whole book, and I don't have time for that right now!

So, as my story goes, after 14, nearly 15 years of marriage, I was divorced. And I was forced to face my attitude of judgement toward those who were divorced.

As I picked up the pieces of my life, I had to figure out how to move forward, still a Christian, still loving God, and still needing to follow and obey Him! Even though now I was the Christian I had judged so harshly!

I believe, at the time, I was the first "divorced Christian" I knew, or at least that I knew well. It just didn't happen in my circles. I lived all of those years of fighting divorce (falsely) believing that to be divorced meant that the person had done something wrong, or had failed in some way.

I had to learn the hard way that sometimes a spouse leaves anyway.

My heart, here, on this day, this quarter-century mark, is not to defend myself from judgement I have felt (either real or imagined). Rather, my heart is for hurting people, who have faced this monster named Divorce, and can't find a "place" in the church after, and so turn to find their answers elsewhere. This should not be happening. We should be welcoming them, loving them, helping them, and showing them Jesus. (Remember Jesus speaking to the Samaritan woman at the well who had had 5 husbands, and was now living with a man she was not married to, in John 4? This should also be us!)

Yes, we are to call sin what it is: Sin. It is wrong. And we are never to condone sin. But we do need to be careful, also not do the reverse and call what is not sin, sin.

Jesus said, "Because of the hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives" At one of my deepest points of struggle, just prior to the actual divorce, a Christian friend checked in with me, and talked to me about this verse. He said, yes, it is because of the hardness of "our" hearts, a collective "our". Humanity is sinful. And it is not always, individually, "our" fault, OUR hardness, our sin. Sometimes divorce comes from the sin of the other party involved. (Remember, we're talking about the Pharisees' question here, and the Pharisees were the ones saying, in that day, that a husband could divorce a wife for little things like burning the eggs!)

So, divorce is not always because of sin in the Christian's own life. But, I need to say one more thing about it. (And, yes, I think I may be stepping on a lot of toes. Just know, that is not my goal. My goal is to save, perhaps, one hurting divorcee for fleeing from judgmental Christians back into the world.)

Christian, if you are reading this today, and are thinking, proudly, "Well, it DIDN'T happen to me. I am NOT divorced!" Please, just for a moment, imagine that you were. We can't control another human being. Imagine that your spouse rejected God, left you, and you DID become that divorced person. It COULD happen to you, because you cannot keep your spouse from doing that, if they are determined to do that.

Now, if you have been able to follow me through this, please remember, when you find those condescending thoughts in your mind or heart, instead, remember you do not know the details. Just love them, like we are commanded, and be compassionate for the trial they have faced. If you are aware of unconfessed sin, and you know God is leading you to confront that, yes, speak. (with love) But don't automatically assume the worst!

This brings me to my next point. Remember the two "Biblical reasons for divorce" I gave above? The first is abandonment. "If the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved." (I Corinthians 7:15)

The second is sexual sin. I am not comfortable defining for you the exact level of sexual sin that justifies a divorce, but it is clear adultery qualifies. In the same passage we were talking about above, Jesus says "And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." (Matthew 19:9) Notice the "except"? It is NOT adultery, and NOT sin for the man divorcing his wife because of sexual sin. (Jesus also mentions this in the sermon on the mount.)

Because of these verses, I believe it is very clearly not sin on the part of the believer if they are divorced because of abandonment, or because of sexual sin. (Namely, adultery)

Abandonment is, by its nature, an open sin. The spouse doing the abandoning is sinning against their spouse, and it is usually open, and obvious for people observing that someone has left.

Now, adultery, on the other hand is usually done in secret, and is not openly known. Sometimes it is only known by the spouse sinned against. And, in the case of a Christian, they will often feel, as Joseph did, that they don't want to publicly humiliate their spouse.

Being divorced, I have now ended up hearing a lot of stories of others who are also divorced. Without having to comment on anything or anyone specifically, I can make the very general statement, that it is not uncommon, for a Christian to be sinned against in this way (adultery) repeatedly, and to forgive, multiple times before finally making the decision that they are no longer comfortable living with other people being welcomed into their marriage bed. Sometimes it is because of the betrayal, sometimes it is because of the lost trust, and sometimes it is just the practical desire to not want to find themselves with a sexually transmitted disease because of the actions of another.

Sometimes the sinned-against spouse chooses to forgive every time they are sinned against, and the spouse who is committing adultery grows tired of them and leaves anyway. Then, even though the spouse being sinned against did not choose to pursue divorce, they end up divorced because of the path of sexual sin their spouse chose.

Christians who are following the Lord, and have quietly suffered through this type of trial usually do feel constrained by the love of Christ to not broadcast it to the world. Once the divorce happens, they go about their lives, determining NOT to badmouth their ex-spouse.

The sinned-against, now divorced spouse must face their church. The divorce is obvious, and the judgement is, sadly, often automatic, despite the circumstances of the divorce.

Generally, the Christian who is MOST COMMITTED to God, can say the least, because the Spirit constrains them to "love". And they are judged, beacuse the only obvious thing is the divorce. (Again, it's a little easier with abandonment, because that tends to be publicly known.)

My point is that we judge without knowing the details. We CAN'T KNOW the details, because the committed Christian CAN'T TELL US the details, and still show that Christian love to their ex-spouse! So we end up judging those who are divorced biblically, and sometimes, we drive them away from the church, when they are the ones needing love the MOST.

Are those hurting people still responsible for turning from God? Yes! They will answer to God for their actions. But let us not be a part of driving them from the church!

My friends, I feel like Paul here, when he called himself CHIEF of sinners.

I judged divorced Christians SO HARD. I did it quietly, to myself, while I was fighting for my marriage for all that I was worth. It was part of my motivation to succeed and NOT become divorced. And I am sure those I came into contact with felt it, instead of feeling God's love from me.

Friends, let us be like Jesus, and point this hurting segment of the church back to God. Whether the divorce was any part their own fault or not, they still need their Savoir. And He still loves them. And we all sin, so EVEN IF they were part of the sin in their divorce, we are no better than they, because we sin too. The good news is, we all have an Advocate with the Father: Jesus! (I John 2:1) And if they are here, in church, they are probably seeking God now, and that is a good thing.

Internally, I have faced extreme pain and disappointment in myself, because of the divorce. I have felt like it has placed me in the class of "second-rate Christians". Most of this struggle, I have learned, is just me listening to the lies of the enemy. Because, guess what? Life, today, is the same as life, any other day. "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20)

Go out and encourage your hurting, struggling, divorced brothers and sisters to just keep living for God. Nothing has changed in His love toward them, or in their responsibility to Him.

"If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory." (Colossians 3)

This is GREAT NEWS! Let us be encouraged with it.

As I look back on the last 25 years of my life – which is most of my remembered years, when I am looking at it rightly, I see, not a life of brokenness, but a life of redemption. Yes, some very broken things have happened, but it is okay, because He is with me.

If I could ask one thing, my friends, it is that you walk with your brothers and sisters in the Lord, loving as Christ loved. We were all just sinners, in need of our Savior. Let us love like that.

By the time my divorce happened, I was a mature Christian, with a strong faith, and it shook me to the core. I tremble to think what a young, weak, or immature Christian does when faced with the same. They NEED the Church, desperately. (I need the Church!)

"By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." (John 13:24)

Standing Firm

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints."

"Stand", "withstand", "stand firm", and "stand therefore" – four mentions of "stand firm" all within this same short passage from Ephesians 6!

I was thinking on this passage that sheds so much light on what spiritual warfare looks like today, and how to fight it, because I'm in the thick of my own spiritual battles, and I want to know how to overcome.

That sounds all nice and "spiritual", but the Lord revealed to me some of the motivation behind it. I want to fight right, and I want to fight fast so it will all be over as soon as possible, and I can rest again!

Hmmm.

That's really not the right reason to be trying to fight these battles! I was just looking for the rest at the end! Maybe I should be more concerned about God's glory, or fighting sin, or accomplishing something for His kingdom than for the break I expect (or maybe even my heart demands!) when the battle is over!

My spiritual battles often feel like they have been ongoing, for many years. And, yes, there really has been one battle after the other in my heart, with usually only a few days, at most, between battles.

But maybe that is okay!

These verses don't call for victory or earthly peace. We're simply to have strength to stand. They talk about withstanding in the evil day. To stand firm. To stand fast. To stand against the devil.

What does standing fast look like?

As I was thinking about these things, the Lord gently reminded me that, in the midst of my battle, standing firm will sometimes simply look like me standing there, being assaulted by all that the enemy can throw against me, but with my face lifted to heaven, looking to Jesus. It will sometimes simply mean enduring, through the pain, with my eyes fixed on Him!

Hmmm.

This was not what I was looking for as I began meditating on the passage! But since I don't get to define God, or question what God has said is true, I need to re-align myself with what He has said.

Yes, we can look to eternal rest! That is our reward! But here, on earth, we need to stand firm, and to endure.

Not every experience of life is full of joy. He is our joy, so look to Him and endure! When there is something we don't like, and we can't control, still, look to Him, and endure. If honoring Him through the current battle means denying self and experiencing pain, look to Jesus, and endure.

Stand firm with me! Yes, let's utilize the whole armor of God! But if your motivation for doing so is off, either in the area mine was off, or in any other way, re-align your expectations of the result with me. When we're left, because of a broken, sin-filled world, battered and hurting, lift your face to Jesus, stand firm. Continue loving Him! Continue serving Him! Continue praising Him! Endure.

"And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved." (Jesus' words from Matthew 10:22)

Milking and Memorizing

 Today, as I was milking my goats, I did what I often do. I turned my favorite game on to play as I finished out each goat. (Finishing only takes one hand!)

As I was turning the game on, I had a small argument with myself. I know I would spend more time reviewing my memorized verses if I quit playing that game. But the game is fun, and relaxing, and satisfying. There is some value to it, especially for a person like me who is always on the go, trying to accomplish things. I felt peace about playing the game in these few minutes of time, even though I do want to also get on top of all of my previously memorized verses so I can say them perfectly, always. (See what I mean about lofty goals?)

Well, the game wouldn't turn on, because the wi-fi wasn't reaching the barn. So, I turned on my Bible memory app, which doesn't require wi-fi. And had a new idea – From here on out, maybe I should discipline myself to say 10 passages correctly before going on to my game.

So, I did 10, and then another to make it an even 40 in the "known" column.

When reviewing verses, I only hit a few perfectly, so I probably went through 30 or more passages to get those 11 out perfectly. And in going through all of that scripture, the Lord reminded me of a few things I had forgotten. As a result of those sweet reminders, my heart was softened, and quite a bit of prayer was also offered from that stool in my little goat barn in responses to the things He was reminding me of through His Word. I did a few more verses correctly, before trying my game again.

Well, my phone still couldn't connect to the wi-fi well enough for the game to turn on! "Oh well," I thought, "I'll just go back to my verse!" My verses were suddenly seeming like the thing I'd rather do anyway.

It takes me about an hour to milk right now, because I'm getting about 3 quarts out of 5 does, and it just takes that much time to do it, between switching goats between stalls, feeding, and tethering one back leg to remind them to cooperate, and doing the actual milking! Since memory review does not take a hand, most of the time, and I could do it for most of that hour, by the end, I had said 28 passages correctly. The Lord had reminded me that I'm not living for the "here and now", that there IS blessing in the work He's calling me to, that heaven is my very real reward, to praise Him in the midst of the people He has placed around me (like David purposed to praise Him in the midst of the congregation), and that God is working HIS PERFECT PURPOSES through all of my trials and personal heartaches. In addition to praying, I also found my heart was happier, and I was actually singing different songs the verses were reminding me of!

I came in truly refreshed, and ready to face another day, WITH the Lord.



I don't like talking about myself. But I wanted to share just this one little a glimpse into my life today. I want to encourage my Christian brothers and sisters to TAKE THE TIME to be in God's Word!

If I hadn't taken the time to originally memorize these passages, I wouldn't be able to sit down and fly through so many, so quickly, and I would have missed ALL of the things the Lord encouraged me with this morning. (I would have remained discouraged with life!)

Since I have been SO BLESSED by how God has used Bible memory in my life, I try to encourage others to memorize verses. The most common response is that people think they "can't" memorize, because God hasn't blessed them with a mind that can remember.

When I was a teen, I also thought I couldn't memorize. Then my church did a Sunday School contest on memorizing. At the beginning of those few weeks, I was writing the verse out, over and over again, in my notebook. It was tedious work, because memorizing was HARD. But by the end of those weeks, I had learned HOW to memorize, and that I could acutually do it quite well.

Eventually I learned that I could memorize 1-3 new verses a day, and retain them (all) with review, but I had to give it time. (Probably around 3 hours a week.)

What I encourage people to do is to TRY and memorize, and see what your abilities are, and work with them!

And, even more importantly, don't spend all of that effort to memorize a verse, only to never think about it again and loose it. Review, review, review! It takes MUCH less effort to review already-memorized verses than to learn a new one, and I have found the Lord uses those already memorized verses MORE than the new ones anyway!

I am convinced that people who are blessed with enough ability to speak and function normally in life can also, at the very least, memorize a verse a month. I think most people could handle a verse a week. And some people might be able to do more! But most Christians do not try. And then they miss the ENTIRE blessing of the Holy Spirit reminding them of the most precious lessons God has taught them in life, just because they (like me this morning) don't want to give Him a little bit of their time. We end up living like babies, stuck in whatever the current trial is, instead of remembering the things He's been teaching us and moving forward, in our spiritual lives.

Please, friends, try it and see. Take the verse that God has used in your life most recently, and memorize it. Write it on a slip of paper, and put it in your pocket to look at throughout the day/week/month. Commit it to memory, with YOUR abilities, on the time-table God lays on YOUR heart, and let this be the beginning of you "hiding God's Word in your heart", and giving Him one of the most effective tools to teach YOU about HIS WAYS, applying, again and again, His truth to your life as you add verse after verse (12 a year! Or 52 if you go for one a week!) to your arsenal of personally learned and applied truth from His Word.

God WILL use it in your life, and you will wonder why you haven't been utilizing this all along!

If you already have memorized passages of scripture, better yet! Add whatever it is God is teaching you with today, and begin reviewing what you already know. You will be so blessed.

I'll end with one of my favorite verses. (And, yes, one that was up for review today!)

"For with thee is the fountain of life; in thy light shall we see light." (Psalm 36:9)

Friends, we get so twisted up in our own thoughts as we go through life. With God is the fountain of life. We can only see his light (which is the only REAL light) through Him. Since He communicates to us through His Word, WE NEED TO BE IN HIS WORD. When we read it, we usually think about it once. When we memorize it, we think about it again and again, and our (unstable) hearts NEED this.

Try it.

Defining God

 (Words from God, to Ezekiel)

"And you, son of man, say to the house of Israel, Thus have you said: 'Surely our transgressions and our sins are upon us, and we rot away because of them. How then can we live?' Say to them, As I live, declares the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live; turn back, turn back from your evil ways, for why will you die, O house of Israel?" (Ezekiel 33:10-11)

God loved His chosen people, Israel. But instead of loving Him back, they rejected Him, again and again. They turned to idol worship, even though they KNEW the one, true God, the creator of the universe! They delighted in what God called sin. They broke His law.

God sent prophets to warn them, and they did not listen.

God continued to leave the way open for the people to turn back to Him.



I find it so interesting that today, a common cry against God, is that He can't be real, because He allows "bad" in our lives. (While taking the liberty of defining this "bad".) These people have forgotten that God is a Person. He was already a Person before the world existed! He was a Person before we existed. He continues to be who He is, and He will continue to be that same Person throughout all of eternity.

There is a very large gap between us and God. He is bigger than us. He is above us. He is holy and just and righteous. We (as in, the first man, Adam) sinned, and we have been cut off from God. BUT! He has written to us in the Bible. The gap can be bridged! In this Book we can find all we need to know about God in this world! (Amazing!)

I just love verses like this one here in Ezekiel, that reveal part of the heart of God. Does he take joy in the bad in our lives? No, clearly, He does not!

Now, these verses were referring to a specific context. Israel, as a nation, was being judged for their sin and rejection of their God. They had been taken into captivity by their enemies. Most of the people had been moved to a far-away nation. Only the poor remained in the land. Their enemies were in complete control of everything - they just had to do what they were told and find a way to get through.

God was judging them, because He wanted them back. He wanted their hearts. He wanted THEM to turn to HIM.

Did He want them to die? No, he did not! But it was very important to Him that they know Him. Their punishment (and death of many in the process of it all!) was God trying to reach their sinful hearts and get them to turn. Through all of this, His plea was, "Turn back, turn back from your evil ways!" This was what He wanted, above all! But the people were, at the time of this judgement, unwilling. And God followed through with His judgement. (There was promise for the future, and an open door for them to return to Him, but this would be far too much to grapple with all at once.)

Thankfully, for us, He is also merciful, and very often we get to live out our entire lives with Him pleading, "Turn, turn back from your evil ways!" At any point, any person can turn from their sin, and be reconciled to their Creator! THIS is the heart of God. He wants US.

Now, back to the accusations I hear against God so often in our day:

Since God is supposed to be good, and yet lets bad things happen, He must not be good. (or real, or I don't want anything to do with Him, or whatever the argument of the moment might be.)

To those of you who feel these things, I would like to say, I hear your frustration. I have so often felt your frustration! I know many of you are crying out with bleeding hearts. You have lost a child, or your health, or there has been a tragedy or heartache that feels too big for you to handle. I am sorry for your pain. (And God cares about your pain too! But again, there's not enough space here to hit all of that!)

To be honest, I, too, have wished I could define God. Sometimes I wish I could control God. (This is sin.) Most of us would make God serve us. We tend to make ourselves the center of our own universe, and, if we could, we would make GOD, our Creator, serve us. (This is also sin - see the first commandment in Exodus 17!)

But God was here before we were. He set up a world, and He held the right to set up the rules. He holds the right to keep those rules in place. (And, when you look at those rules, they are good rules.) He has a right to enforce these rules. He has said certain things are sin, and they are sin. He has given mankind a choice, and He pleads with them to come to Him, to obey Him, and to love Him!

Do most people do this?

The Bible say, "The gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many." (Matthew 7:13) Most people close their ears to God's call, and choose to serve themselves over God. This selfishness leads to sin, and this sin leads to judgement.

Since we don't have eyes to see the unseen world, we can't put everything into neat little categories, and we often don't know why the "bad" is happening. But we know, from God's Word to us, God does control all things. (ALL THINGS! No exceptions!)

We know that some of the "bad", some of the tragedies, wars, and disasters, are Him pleading, "Turn, turn!" Some are judgements of sin, even  judgements of a nations' sin. Some are both!

We also know from His Word that some of the "bad" is just set up as a means for His glory and praise. (John 9:3) This is a second broad category of the reason we might come to "bad" in our lives.

There is also "bad" that, from God's perspective, is actually good! He may using something difficult in your life to teach things that yield eternal benefit. He may be using your trouble to show others what faith looks like. He may be giving direction to your life that to you, now, seems bad, but you will appreciate later! There are so many ways that we misunderstand things for "bad" that are actually GOOD things straight from the hand of the Lord. 

A fourth category of "bad" is, I suspect, the most common. Other's sin has consequences. Since God has set up a world in which He asks people to turn to Him, and had given people the choice, the ones who choose to serve themselves end up sinning in ways that affect others. Remember Jonah, who, when fleeing from God's command, almost caused the sinking of a boat filled with other people who had nothing to do with his sin?

Some of us want to cry out that these things are not fair. But that is the point of this little post. We aren't the ones who get to decide that! God is!

To the broken heart that is struggling: Please just hear God's heart. "Turn, turn from your evil ways", and LIVE. Stop fighting Him. Stop running. Turn to the only One who can truly help you in your hour of need.

Is life fair? No. Is life always fun? No. Is life full of heartache? Sometimes. But the One who knows all things is calling to you. Turn to Him, and live.

As to how to live out the rest of your life in a fallen world - give all of your fears to God, and follow him. Give Him each heartache. Trust Him.

 You will continue to feel pain, because, in this life, "bad" will keep happening. But there is a life to come! We have a Savior! We have been loved with everlasting love. He continues to call to us. He wants us. THIS, my friends, is joy.

Hear Him calling, and answer Him.

Lack of Love

I am shocked and saddened by what I see in the world around me right now.

The first week or two during the Covid-19 outbreak here in the US, my feed was filled with funny memes and joking.

Then people became serious.

Somehow, the issue of whether Covid-19 is a dangerous virus or not, whether we wear face masks or not, and many more "hot topics" have become polarizing issues.

I am very concerned about the apparent lack of love.

Personally, I am not very afraid of the virus. It currently looks, to me, like it will be a new threat we have to face, from this point forward, and we're going to have to figure out how we are going to do that. I also don't know what exactly that should look like.

I don't like wearing masks. I do choose to wear one. I believe that the governors who have issued face mask orders have probably saved hundreds (or more) of lives, for now. I do know we're wearing masks more for others than for ourselves. I am very concerned about the impact long-term mask wearing may have on society and face-to-face interraction!

I am not offended by you, if you're don't wear a mask. I hope you are not offended by me, if I wear a mask.

It is such a tricky issues that our health officials and leaders are having trouble deciding which calls to make themselves. Of course people will also be struggling with where they stand on the issues.

I understand if you're feeling your rights are being stepped on. I understand if you're scared of Covid-19. I understand if you are not scared of it, and don't want to take any precautions. I don't really mind where you happen to fall on the issues, as long as you're being careful if you have tested positive to not be spreading it to others. :) (And I think most people will do that.)


I wanted to get on and post how discouraged I was by the lack of Christian love in our country right now. But then the Lord reminded me of the verses from my Bible reading today...

"Be patient therefore, brethren, unto the coming of the Lord. Behold, the husbandman waiteth for the precious fruit of the earth, and hath long patience for it, until he receive the early and latter rain. Be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh." (James 5:7-8)

Discouragement melts away before the truth of such verses.

I am not sure why there is such a noticeable lack of love between "brethren" in the midst of today's issues, but I am SO GLAD the the coming of the Lord draws nigh.

Even if it is not in my lifetime, I'm reminded that this entire life is not even a drop in an entire ocean when compared with eternity. And eternity with our Lord will be very good. :)

I just want to "stablish my heart"... and be patient in the Lord, whatever comes.

Thank You, Lord, for such specific encouragement found in your Word for today's issues! Please remind Your children to love, as You have loved us. Help us to hear You, and find a way to stand in this evil world, shining Your light to those around us. Thank you for You love!

His Mercy

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.

He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever.

He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.

As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
(Psalm 103:8-12)

These verses are some of my favorite words anywhere! God's mercy is a gift beyond comparison. Somehow, even though I have trouble remembering the rest of the Psalm, THESE words found their way into my long-term memory, and they often play through my mind, encouraging me with the one thing we, as Christian's, ALWAYS have - His mercy! His love! Redemption! Even when there are trials, we still have this precious gift from Him. This makes life good!

I woke up with these words again this morning, and thought I'd share. :)

My struggles today are with very "temporal" things: Not enough time. Not enough money. Heartaches. Uncertainties. Fears.

But if I take any one of those things and compare them with what God has done, it just blows them away! He is MERCIFUL, to ME, a sinner!!! He has not given me what I deserved. (judgement!) He, instead, loves me, and has promised (given) eternal life!

I can face today, because He is good to me.

Be encouraged with me! :)

Court

As I was leaving home the morning of December 12th, my eyes were drawn to all of the things around me that screamed, "Emily and Rebecca." Their paints had been left out on the table from the projects they were in the middle of working on. I saw a pair of Rebecca's unmatched, not-so-dirty socks which are forever being thrown on the floor because she really doesn't like things on her feet. The four gallons of milk in the refrigerator would be too much for a three-person family, if the girls weren't going to be coming home with us. And I would have to face all of these things later that day, depending on what a man in office decided about our family.

It was 5:45 am when we dragged our sleepy girls out to the car with us, and left. We made the 1 hour and 45 minute drive without any problems.

I was listening to the radio as I drove. I was driving to keep my mind busy, and I was listening because driving alone wasn't enough. I had to keep it busy to not think. But at one point, as the words, "It's the most wonderful time of the year!" finished playing, a woman on this Christian radio station got on and cheerfully said, "If you don't believe it is the most wonderful time of the year, just keep saying those words over and over again until you DO believe it, because I PROMISE, it is true!"

Ha! WHAT is people's PROBLEM!

No, I'm not a cynic. I'm actually an optimist! But to promise (PROMISE!) people that it is "the most wonderful time of the year" is just foolish. For all we know, someone has lost a parent or child at this time of the year, and just seeing the name of the month on the top of the calendar brings painful memories! Or maybe someone... like me... is on their way to court not knowing if they are going to be able to bring their two precious children home with them. It is foolish to promise people that it is the most wonderful time of the year. This woman was forgetting that what she means to say is that JESUS is the MOST WONDERFUL gift that there ever has been or ever will be. Not that the month of December will just be beautiful for all people, everywhere! Ha!



We stopped at McDonald's for breakfast, then proceeded to the courthouse.

Apparently this was a pretty big deal. The petition my ex-husband filed was an emergency petition, basically claiming that the kids were not safe with me. My lawyer said she had no fear that we were going to loose the girls, but the paperwork was filled with lies about me, and what goes on in our home. It was serious stuff. And a man we did not know was going to have to make a decision for our family - a decision that would have significant impact on our children's lives.

Before court, the Lord started reminding me of verses. Verses for THIS day:

"The Lord of hosts hath sworn, saying, Surely as I have thought, so shall it come to pass; and as I have purposed, so shall it stand: " (Isaiah 14:24) He reminded me that He was surely in control, even there, even for a court hearing that appears to be in another man's hands.

"But I trusted in thee, O LORD: I said, Thou art my God." (Psalm 31:14) Whatever may happen, He  my God, and I was going to trust in Him.

"My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved." (Psalm 62:5-6)

"In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me. Thy vows are upon me, O God: I will render praises unto thee. For thou hast delivered my soul from death: wilt not thou deliver my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?" (Psalm 56:11‭-‬13)



There were a few emergency petitions the judge was going to hear that day. He went through the others before us, one after the other, very quickly. Meanwhile, my lawyer was talking to the other lawyers present. (My ex-husband's, and also the guardian.) The guardian talked to the kids. We waited in the courtroom, just waiting to see what was going on, and what would happen.

Then it was suddenly our turn, and I was called up with my lawyer. My ex-husband was there, his lawyer, and the children's guardian.

First the judge asked the guardian to speak, and he told the judge that this was no an emergency case, that the father was just trying to get custody of the kids today without going through the proper means. He said there was no evidence of abuse here, or of mental illness on my part, as mentioned in the paperwork. He said that if there is going to be a psychological evaluation (as requested in the paperwork), that the father should have to pay for it, since there is nothing indicating one is needed. He also said that the girls had told him they wanted to continue living with their mother when he talked to them that morning.

The judge next asked my ex-husband's lawyer if he agreed with the guardian's assessment. His lawyer said no, there is still a lot of concern over me and the threat I pose to my kids. (!) They still felt the psychological evaluation was very necessary.

The judge then asked my lawyer if I would consent to a psychological evaluation, and my lawyer asked me. I was confused, because she had said, before court, that it was an invasion of my privacy, so I didn't know how to answer and I just shrugged my shoulders. She told the judge I would, if my ex-husband paid for it. The judge asked if I would want him to have one. I said that I could not pay for it. Then my ex-husband's lawyer asked if he should write up paperwork to this effect. The judge said yes.

And that was it. The judge had dismissed the case.

The whole thing was over. The girls were still safe with me. Their lives had not been turned upside down.

And we went home.

I was SO HAPPY to walk in the house and see their things! I didn't have to try to put them away. I don't have to start jumping through hoops just to be able to see them again. I still had them.

We took the rest of the day off, aside for the audition Rebecca was blessed to be able to make it to. That afternoon and evening we played games, watched tv, ate cookies, and pretty much just laid around and enjoyed each other, soaking up the idea that our family would continue.

Then we resumed life! We were able to set up the Christmas tree! We were able to begin Christmas shopping! We could enjoy the goat babies without the knowledge that the girls might not be able to see them again!

The girls are actually safe, still home with us. Their relationship with their dad is still safe, because I work hard to encourage and preserve it. Their relationship with me is still safe, because they still have access to me. (Thank You, Lord!!!)

At this point we're just waiting to see what my ex-husband does next. He can either pay to have the psychological evaluation done, or he can sue through the normal means to try and gain custody of Emily and Rebecca. Of course, then there would be days of witnesses and testimony and evidence, before a judge makes that decision.

While we wait, we are thanking God for these new months with our girls.

Please keep praying for us.