Failed Health, and "Freely Given All Things"

I have been "sick" with incapacitating vertigo for over 5 months now. There are some days (like the last week and a half!) that I am functional. Much of the time I am not functional.

Yesterday evening it got "bad" again. I don't know why, it just suddenly got worse. I went from only feeling it if I'd walk too fast or turn my head too much... to not being able to walk much, tolerate noise (even my own voice) or do much of anything. I couldn't even drive myself home from church last night.

And I had been hoping I was getting better. (This was the first week and a half stretch of "functionality", I think, since this dizziness first settled in! It was looking good!)

I am at a point, here, where we don't know what is causing this (there are different ideas, but nothing is confirmed) and I do not know when I will feel well again. There also is no "plan" in front of me to follow to try to "get" well. I'm just sick, and here I sit - waiting.

These are simply the facts of what is going on, and it is overwhelming. I want to be WELL. I know what it is like to be well, because I have had good health all of my life! (I went for something like 7 years without even seeing a doctor, unless it had to do with having pregnancy and child birth!) To be suddenly so sick I can not function much of the time is hard.

But I remembered something tonight. (Or, rather, God reminded me of something!) Romans 8:32 says, "He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?"

He IS, currently, right now, "freely giving me all things". I forget that in my quest for getting better, almost as if I (unknowingly) find myself with the attitude that getting well again is The Most Important Thing to me.

But here I am reminded that He has freely given me all things. I do not NEED to feel well again to have what this verse is speaking of! This verse is speaking of lasting riches, not the things of this life.

A dear friend reminded me tonight, that it does not matter (to me) if I am sick like this for the rest of my life! These words are true. What matters is Christ Jesus. End of story. The rest is just the "momentary" stuff of I Corinthians 4.

These lessons are not easy, but I am glad that the Lord continues to teach me.

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Lord, You are, freely, giving me all things. I am not well in body, but You have given, You are giving, so much more.


Help me to know this well, in my heart of heart. Cause me to remember it, please, Lord.


Help me to love You most of all, even above health.


Forgive me, Lord. I fail repeatedly, but You are good to me. You are entirely faithful.