How Can I Live This Life? (A Prayer, II Cor. 1:9)

"But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead:" (II Corinthians 1:9)

I need this truth tonight, Lord! I feel like there is such a level of opposition and conflict in my life... not just between myself and business associates or a boss, or between myself and other people in my life... but it is right here, between my husband and I!

How can I stand it? How can I stand, another moment, to be the object of what he despises most? This is not something I can "seperate" from the rest of my life... and be "okay" when I am home and away from it. This IS my life. This is every day, every hour. Hardly a thought goes by that does not somehow include him. He is my husband! And he hates Christ in me.

How can I live this?

I am so glad for the hope that is in Your word. Here is more hope that you sent me when I most needed it, and I was able to say it again and again to myself, just to keep perspective and not slip into depression. I feel this "sentence of death" in myself. I am "pressed out of measure, above strength"! (previous verse) I surely despair...

It is not the very same circumstances, but I am in over my head, just like they were. All of my hopes and dreams for life, and my "earthly comfort" in circumstances that allow me to feel loved and stable are GONE... "But I had the sentence of death in myself [in loosing all that I have hoped for here – Lord, You know] that I should not trust in myself, but in You, who raise the dead."

Here I am at my lowest, unable to percieve how I can go on another moment, sprialing downward into depression... when You remind me it is not me but You in me. I may not have the strength in what I meet with in life... but You are my strength, so this is as it should be. I tend to think, "This hurts too much, I can't stand it!" but those are the very times that You will carry me through. "But I had the sentence of death in myself [I couldn't go on, in my own strength] that I should not trust in myself, but in You, who raise the dead." Sure, perhaps I can not bear another whithering look, or another sharp word, but this is on You. "Cast your burden up on the Lord, and He will sustain you." (Psalm 55:22) "For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God." (Colossians 3:2)

Lord, this is rich truth. You are helping me in the storm, right now. Thank You! Help me to see more of Your truth in my everyday life!

Here I am, "fainting", and You say, "It is okay." I was half panicked, distressed at the thought of even another moment under my husband's displeasure (for Your sake), but Your word speaks to this. It is not me that goes on. It is not me, alone, that bears up under such tremendous pressure. That is You, and You surely have strength enough to carry me through.

Thank You, Lord.

Help me to continue in Your love... enduring to the end. May my life be lived to the praise of Your glory! May it cry out "Blessed is the Name of the Lord!" at every opportunity.

Thank You for Your reminders tonight. Thank You for loving me and making me Your Own!

Amen.